Gaara hates Shikamaru
by glockcourage
Summary: Summary: Crack fic. This one Gaara will receive the brunt of the joke but it's Shikamaru who will reap all of the grudge. How about Naruto-he's whistling in the background and Temari... Temari is missing.


A/N: Thanks to xXxBloodDeathLovexXx for making this readable.

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns Naruto

**Gaara hates Shikamaru **

Sabaku no Temari, the renowned Suna kunoichi, had gone missing. The prime suspect was Nara Shikamaru of Konoha. When asked, Nara would deny involvement but upon closer scrutiny the man looked too nonchalant to be believable. The question, though, still remained: Where was Temari?

Well, this puzzlement occurred almost 3 years ago and to this day Sabaku no Gaara has not forgotten or even forgiven Shikamaru in the role he played in, as he called it, the Missing Temari Incident.

Sabaku no Gaara, the Kazekage of Suna, has mellowed through the years compared to before when he was the vessel of the One-Tailed Shukaku. He has mellowed a lot but compared to another ninja he is still by far more fearsome.

That softening, however, has not reached Nara Shikamaru, for today he still receives cutting remarks and poisonous stares from the Kazekage. Of course, with Nara's personality, this doesn't cause any problem but for the people around them who witness their arguments the Kazekage appears to be unfair to the Konoha nin and the Konoha nin seems to be too unconcerned. The tension causes civilians to question the strength of the alliance between Sunagakure and Konohagakure.

To understand this hate-hate relationship between the Kazekage and Shikamaru, it's best to travel back in time—almost 3 years ago to be exact. One of the rumors was that Temari was kidnapped by Shikamaru but another one also says that Temari framed Shikamaru and actually hid herself and left enough clues that would point towards Shikamaru.

What really happened?

A total of 2 years, 10 months and 12 days ago, Temari arrived in Konoha expecting Shikamaru to be her escort but it seems Naruto, the newly chosen Hokage, had decided not to appoint any more escorts considering that Temari had been to Konoha numerous times and as such didn't really need anyone. Not wanting to admit to somebody else that that decision upset her, Temari instead hatched a plan that would ensure that she would have her escort back.

On one of her walks in the market Temari took several turns that would ensure she was lost but it did not work; she always knew where the exit would be and furthermore, she could always go to the rooftop and see from there the directions. Next she tried the woods. Being from Suna, where there is just sand in all directions, she thought it would be easier and more believable if she got lost in the woods. Sadly, being with Shikamaru all those times had taught her how to track. So no, she couldn't get lost in the woods. Temari was, at that point, running out of ideas. Furthermore, even if Naruto agreed to let her have an escort there was no guarantee that it would be Shikamaru after all.

In the end, Temari had decided to approach the Hokage to ask for a favor. Naruto, of course, granted Temari's wish but there was a catch. Naruto wanted to go on an S-ranked mission but he would need a cover so that the village wouldn't know that their Hokage was away and therefore, the rumor that the village is unprotected would be prevented. Temari's duty was to think of a way to cover for Naruto. This was where Nara Shikamaru came in. Shikamaru was to pose as Naruto but the problem, then, was: Who would pose as Shikamaru? Enter Sabaku no Temari, of course.

Now, Naruto could have just created a shadow clone to take his place and he would have had Temari not approached him with her request. It also would have taken up chakra that would undoubtedly help him on his mission.

Temari was sure Shikamaru would balk at the idea. To make him comply Temari threatened that she would tell everyone she was pregnant with his kid. Of course, to Temari's way of thinking that was the absolute last resort—spreading untrue gossips was completely unlike her but what is a girl to do when she has to travel for 3 days in order to see someone she likes and have no assurance whatsoever that when she arrives she would see him?

Shikamaru didn't think Temari would actually spread such gossip about herself but then it would be troublesome to call Temari a liar so he agreed. After all, with Temari it's always easier to agree than to disagree—which was why she is his girlfriend. You can't say to Temari that you don't want her to be your girlfriend, you know. Truth be told Shikamaru was relieved that the girl asked him otherwise it would have been troublesome for it to be the other way around.

Naruto then went on his merry way, stopped a cult of missing nins from acquiring a forbidden scroll and saved an obscure village. Shikamaru used the Henge no Jutsu/Transformation Technique to transform himself into Naruto and finished Naruto's paper work in half the time it would have required the Hokage to finish it and Temari had gone missing. Now, of course, we all know that Temari was posing as Shikamaru and had pulled it off successfully. Knowing her boyfriend's habit of doing nothing and saying 'mendokuse' all the time, nobody suspected that a Suna nin was pretending to be a Konoha nin, not even Shikaku and Yoshino. After all, if anyone found out then they would think that she was a spy and the Suna-Konoha alliance would be for naught. As for Shikamaru, the councilmen were perplexed as to why the Hokage had become less exuberant and noisy and why he was always taking a nap. More issues we're addressed, though, so they didn't mind.

Everything was going according to plan. Enter Sabaku no Gaara.

Gaara had arrived in Konoha two days after Temari arrived, taking a vacation from his obligations. Unlike Naruto he had actually waited for his councilmen to sanction his decision hence the delay of his arrival. Of course, Temari was not aware that her brother has arrived. After all when the Kage of another country comes visiting it would be announced but since Naruto and Gaara are close Gaara had decided to surprise his friend and forgo the fanfare.

Shikamaru (in Naruto's guise) was shocked when he saw Gaara arrive. It could have been a spy pretending to be Gaara. After all it is well known that Gaara and Naruto share a bond but since Naruto had not told him that Gaara was arriving (and Shikamaru doubted that Naruto would leave if he knew Gaara was arriving), Shikamaru proceed with utmost care. Shikamaru thought that the only way to know for sure if it was Gaara was to ask Temari to spy for him.

Obviously Temari couldn't tell Gaara that she'd transformed herself to Shikamaru in case Gaara turned out to be a spy. In the end Gaara was escorted by Shikamaru (who in actuality was Temari).

Of course, Gaara was perplexed by his friend's lukewarm greeting. After all, the real Hokage would be more enthusiastic with his arrival. Gaara also wondered why the Hokage had chosen Shikamaru as his escort when it's known to him that Shikamaru could top his not-favourite-people list. Why would he like Shikamaru when all he hears about him is his sister's complaints like how lazy he was? How completely unmotivated? He just sat under the clouds and napped.

The Kazekage just shrugged and thought that maybe he came at a bad time and that his friend was really busy. He shrugged once again and thought that his friend was finally embracing his responsibilities as Hokage and was currently very, very busy.

Gaara's escort, Shikamaru, wasn't doing such a bad job. Shikamaru seemed to be aware of the food the Kazekage liked and took him to the best restaurant that served it.

Temari who is in Shikamaru's guise was almost sure that Gaara was not an imposter. But when Gaara asked if he could go to the Konoha training area, Temari has become suspicious. First of all: Gaara didn't spar with anyone in Konoha unless it is with Naruto. The real Gaara knew that. Secondly: If Gaara was actually a spy, it would be beneficial for him to observe the various moves of the nins training in the training area would reveal. Third: Wouldn't the real Gaara look for his own sister by now instead of going to the training area? It seemed that this Gaara was not even aware that Sabaku no Temari was also in Konoha.

Of course, Gaara would like to spar with Shikamaru and this opportunity didn't present itself often. Furthermore, even though his sister was also in Konoha, she was not there to witness how he would beat her boyfriend to a pulp. But it seemed that his sister was right. Shikamaru was a lazy ass. Shikamaru didn't even want to bring him to the training grounds and he was looking at Gaara suspiciously. Since it seemed that he wouldn't be sparring with anyone, considering that Naruto is busy and Shikamaru is looking more wary by the minute, Gaara decided to rest at the embassy where the Suna representitives usually stay when they're in Konoha. Maybe his sister would welcome his arrival more.

Temari left Gaara at the embassy. Temari would revert back to her actual self to spy further on Gaara but she needed to confer first with Shikamaru about her own suspicions. In the end, the real Shikamaru was adamant that if Gaara was actually a spy it was his responsibility as a Konoha nin to stop the imposter. In actuality Shikamaru just didn't want Temari to share a room with some random guy. In the end Temari just continued to transform herself into Shikamaru and Shikamaru became Temari and returned to the embassy.

Shikamaru actually failed to act like Naruto. It was only the councilmen's beliefs that Naruto is invincible and that no nins could actually defeat him and then pretend to be him that it never crossed the councilmen's minds that the Naruto that's been acting strangely was in fact not Naruto. Shikamaru knew that it would be harder to pull the blanket over Gaara's eyes compared to the councilmen. So Shikamaru really put an effort to emulate Temari.

But still Gaara was a lot sharper than the councilmen. Afterall he had lived with Temari for several years, been with her in numerous battles. And the first clue that Temari was not really Temari was when Temari went to bed without bothering to shower. Sometimes during battles when amenities are scarce, showers are a luxury a nin has to forgo. But when one is at an inn where hot water is abundant, a bath is one of the perks.

Gaara, hence became suspicious and, since he was used to getting by with little or no sleep, that night he observed how Temari slept. Temari always slept on her left side but the body on the bed was sleeping facing him. On the right side. Gaara frowned. He observed her breathing. It was obvious: She was only pretending to be sleeping.

Shikamaru had been observing Gaara for the past hour. Gaara clearly had been eyeing him for that past hour, too. This in Shikamaru's book confirmed his suspicion that Gaara was a suspicious character. Temari had previously informed him that Gaara could actually sleep like a babe if he knew that his siblings were there and safe. It proved that Gaara was a fake! Of course, being a genius, Shikamaru also considered the fact that maybe Gaara was actually Gaara and may have been suspicious that his sister was not his sister but in the end Shikamaru was doubtful of that since he actually put an effort to act like Temari. He as Temari glared at Gaara when Gaara was asking about 'her' boyfriend, Shikamaru. He even burnt the meat they were having for dinner to mimic her. The fact that he hadn't really roomed with Temari yet had made him fail to notice that Temari, given a choice, would take a bath twice a day. Considering that Temari hails from Suna, where water is somewhat limited, Shikamaru would not come up with that quirk on his own.

In the end, Shikamaru did not go to sleep. He just stayed on his right side and watched the fake Gaara (who was actually Gaara). He was waiting for the impostor to pounce but since he did not, Shikamaru pretended to still be asleep and come morning he advised the real Temari (pretending to be him) to keep an eye on the 'fake' Gaara.

In the other hand, Gaara was sure that his sister was not his actual sister but, since this impostor was obviously trying so hard to fool him and knows enough about his sister to have fooled him at the beginning, Gaara planned to discover what the objectives of his fake sister are before he could attack.

And more importantly discover where the real Temari is?

Gaara was not actually worried. His sister is a talented kunoichi. She can hold out far longer than any other. What was important was that he could see where the fake Temari was going that day. The fake Temari went to the Hokage office where they met Shikamaru (who was actually Temari). Gaara thought that this was an opportunity to tell Naruto of his suspicions that somebody kidnapped Temari and replaced Temari with a spy so they could infiltrate Konoha. It was still somewhat a secret that Temari was dating Shikamaru but maybe the enemy nin has discovered this and used it to their advantage. After all; posing as Temari, the spy could gather so much information from Shikamaru since Shikamaru was the principal advisor to the Hokage. Furthermore, since Temari would be coming to Konoha versus from Konoha, it was easier for the enemy nin to kidnap her along the way.

Gaara only saw Shikamaru though. There was no sign of Naruto even though they were at the Hokage tower.

Meanwhile, the fake Temari was yawning a lot. Hence 'she' immediately and secretly told the fake Shikamaru that their suspicion that Gaara was a fake is true. The fake Temari AKA the real Shikamaru actually needed to go home to sleep. So the real Shikamaru went home to the Nara compound and slip through his window in his room to sleep while the fake Shikamaru was left to babysit Gaara.

Now Temari as Shikamaru had been eyeing Gaara.

Gaara was not suspicious of Shikamaru, only of Temari. Gaara asked Shikamaru where the Hokage was. Shikamaru replied that the Hokage was overseeing something. Now Gaara, disliking Shikamaru for his sister, was debating whether he should tell Shikamaru of his suspicions. After all, as Temari's boyfriend, he ought to notice if Temari had been acting strangely. In the end, Gaara remembered what Temari told him that Shikamaru always considered everything to be a drag. If Gaara explained his suspicions and tried to convince Shikamaru that he should go with him to tail the fake Temari, he might lose precious time and the fake Temari might be gone. In the end, to save Gaara from a lengthy discussion with what he thought to be Shikamaru, the Kazekage decided to leave Shikamaru and follow the fake Temari. This made the real Temari posing as Shikamaru suspicious since Gaara just left with no explanations.

Temari, still posing as Shikamaru, followed Gaara and Gaara was following Temari (who was actually Shikamaru). Shikamaru (still posing as Temari) slipped inside his room through his window. From Gaara's point of view this was highly suspicious considering they had both left Shikamaru at the Hokage tower. Gaara was surer than ever that the fake Temari was a spy. Why else would she enter her boyfriend's room when that said boyfriend was at the Hokage tower? While the real Temari became more suspicious of Gaara since Gaara was first looking for the Hokage and when he couldn't find him he went to Shikamaru's home. Gaara was, at this point, climbing towards Shikamaru's room window. Temari was wondering what Gaara could possibly want from Shikamaru's room.

Of course, when Shikamaru reached his room he reverted back to his actual male form. He yawned and immediately went to bed in his boxers and t-shirt.

When Gaara reached Shikamaru's room, he saw Shikamaru's limp form. This brought a frown to his face. Who was the person he left in the Hokage tower? He was thinking this when rather a person came through the window. It was another Shikamaru! The ensuing noise coming from the second Shikamaru awoke the first Shikamaru. The two Shikamarus looked at each other then at Gaara. Gaara looked from one to the other. There was a puff of smoke and the second Shikamaru turned into Temari. The Shikamaru on the bed immediately stood up and picked and pulled on his pants and was slightly embarrassed. Gaara was almost sure that that guy was the real Shikamaru. The question was: Where was the fake Temari who climbed into Shikamaru's room before him? And the Shikamaru who puffed into Temari, is she really Temari? Gaara looked emotionlessly from what he thought to be the real Shikamaru to the most possibly still fake Temari.

Temari was slightly pink in the cheeks. After all it was her first time seeing Shikamaru in his undergarments. She was embarrassed at this but even though she was slightly blushing she glared at Gaara and waited for the fake Gaara's assault. Gaara, of course, did not move for an attack. He heard the word troublesome from Shikamaru on the bed before the possible fake Temari attacked him with a wind jutsu. It was then that Shikamaru on the bed joined in the fray and attacked Gaara. Gaara knew it was the real Shikamaru at this point so he was perplexed when Shikamaru attacked him. Gaara realized that the real Shikamaru thought that Temari was the real Temari and hence he sided with her. Gaara only concentrated his attack on Temari and even though it was two against one in the end Gaara was able to deliver a crippling blow to Temari. This angered Shikamaru to the point that his shadows we're lifting from the ground and he was able to trap Gaara with his shadow technique. After all of this Temari was badly injured and Shikamaru was fussing over her while Gaara was restrained by Shikamaru's shadow.

Gaara, after watching what he thought to be the real Shikamaru and possibly the fake Temari, realized that the fake Temari may not be a fake afterall considering how much bitching the injured woman was able to do to Shikamaru.

Gaara was remorseful for having hurt his sister. He told her that he was sorry for not believing her to be the real Temari and that he would look for the fake Temari. To this Shikamaru snarled that the only fake one there was Gaara.

It was good that Ino and Choji were passing through and provided reinforcement. Ino, of course, healed Temari while Choji and Shikamaru brought what they thought to be the fake Gaara to the Konoha prison to wait for Gaara's transformation jutsu to wear off. Of course it did not wear off. What's more Shikamaru realized that Gaara did not attempt to fight him and Choji on their way to jail with that sand jutsu of his that looked authentic enough. Shikamaru then realized the possibility that maybe Gaara was actually the real Gaara but with Temari in the hospital there was no way of knowing for sure. Shikamaru, being unable to get sleep the previous night, just shrugged off the possibility and went home.

Meanwhile Naruto was on his way back to the Hokage tower. The mission was a success and did not pose any challenge to him at all. He was trying to slip in when he heard several of the Anbu guards talking about a fake Gaara who was currently in jail. This peaked Naruto's curiosity and instead of going straight to his office to relieve Shikamaru of his duty, he went to Konoha prison looking for the Gaara look-alike.

When Gaara saw Naruto, he was relieved. After all he could just destroy the prison wall but that would bring forth more problems later on. With Naruto there all he needed to do was prove to him that he was, indeed, Gaara. That was quite easy. All Gaara had to do was exchange the brotherly clasp that Naruto had taught him a long time ago. First they clapped then they slid their hands away from each other then they bang their fist together. Gaara was able to successfully prove to Naruto that he was the real thing. Naruto was enthusiastic to see his friend and declared that he was so happy to see Gaara since they hadn't seen each other for the longest time. This brought on a frown to Gaara's face. Gaara, who was sure that this is the real Naruto, wondered who he met the day before. He warned his friend that someone was impersonating him, to which Naruto gave an uneasy laugh and cough.

In the end it was explained to Gaara what had happened and why. Since it was actually Naruto's and Temari's scheme, he couldn't really be mad well at the two at least. He was angry at Shikamaru, though, for throwing him in jail. He only stayed there for an hour but for the Kazekage of Suna it was still embarrassing. If anybody asked why the Kazekage is harsh towards his brother-in-law, the answer is that Shikamaru reminded him of the time Temari went 'missing'. It perpetuated the gossip that Temari was kidnapped by Shikamaru and Gaara being the girl's brother must have attacked the boy who was probably just framed and thus landed in jail. The Anbu may have heard a different story but since they're sworn to secrecy, the truth never did come out.

Fin

A/N: Pls R & R


End file.
